we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
