i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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