The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
well you can't waste a boner
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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