Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Come back. Shots need mouths.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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