I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
