are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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