i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
