apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
How external is "for external use only"?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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