Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
