I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
only you would photoshop your dick
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
