Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
