I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
