So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
