I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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