Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
