Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
