Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
