Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
