erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You pole danced in your parka.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
