I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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