You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
