I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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