you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
