I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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