Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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