Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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