i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
