I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
