Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
