Who wears a wallet chain?!
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
