I should be sponsored by Trojan
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
