He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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