There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
We need a shit load of segways right now
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
