my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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