Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
