She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
