Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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