I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
