Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
