Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I just googled if crying burns calories
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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