'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
