That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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