get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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