my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
