so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I need a beard to bite.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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