I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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