didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
