My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
