the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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