A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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