I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
