so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
